So I was laying in bed last night thinking about where I have come from and where my life is going. I thought about my life before I was married with children. I am so fortunate to have my family. What once was a basic part of life for me has become so much more valuable. All Jennifer wanted in life was to have friends, be married and have kids. How basic is that? Yet she never had the chance. I think now in hindsight, I wish I would have taken her driving. She never had the opprtunity to drive a car. Can you imagine never driving a car? Don't get me wrong, I never would have taken her on a major road! But if you knew Jennifer, I know you are either A) laughing, B) rolling your eyes or C) doing both. But that would have made her day.
She was finally getting her own apartment. I was excited for her. She was excited about picking out curtains and dishes. Those independent days for me were some great years. Those were the days that made great memories for me. I feel bad that she won't have those memories.
It feels like there are more regrets than good memories; feeling like a bad sister; not being there when she needed me; being so careless with time and attention. Right now, it's too easy to think about the "what if's" and "I should have's". I miss her everyday.
I feel sorrow for our loss.
ReplyDeleteI feel like your sister was normal in a world of mis-fits. I wish there was more I could say to ease our pain. May she rest in peace.